News From "The Onion"
02.18.09 Issue 45•08
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"If I'm Lyin,
'I'm Flyin!'"
Once having tasted flight, you will walk this earth with your eyes turned skyward. For there you have been, and there you long to return"
--Leonardo da Vinci
--Leonardo da Vinci
Websites of Note; Or Not...
I Wish I'd Said That
"Take it with a grin of salt."
--Yogi Berra
--Yogi Berra
News Quote of the Week
"Just avoid holding it in that way."
--Apple CEO STEVE JOBS, responding in an e-mail to trouble consumers are having with calls on the latest iPhone when holding it along its metal edges
--Apple CEO STEVE JOBS, responding in an e-mail to trouble consumers are having with calls on the latest iPhone when holding it along its metal edges
Retro Quote of the Week
"All diseases run into one, old age."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Smart Person Quote To Ponder (What the...?)
"Man stands face to face with the irrational. He feels within him the longing for happiness and for reason. The absurd is born of the confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world."
--Albert Camus
--Albert Camus
I Can't Make This Stuff Up
What's Up In Chadron, NE
This is a selection of calls answered by the Chadron Police Department June 16 - 20. *RP means “reporting party.”
June 16
-8:12 a.m. – RP stated there were about 15-20 sheep loose in the 6000 block of East Highway 20. (Church just let out, so we’ll say it was a “flock.”)
-12:21 p.m. – RP stated she was hit by another vehicle at Main and Third. (Better than being hit by your own vehicle I guess.)
-8:01 p.m. – RP stated there were vehicles racing east on 10th Street. (You can only race on odd numbered streets in town.)
-10:46 p.m. – RP stated someone had broken into his home in the 100 block of Cedar Street and he needed officer assistance. (Who needed assistance…the guy that broke in?)
June 17
-2:36 a.m. – RP requested officers at the 100 block of King refer a subject kicking in a window and making threats. (One or the other is OK, but both…not that’s not nice.)
-10:00 a.m. – RP advised she stayed at a local business from June 5-8, 2010. RP stated she just noticed that she was missing a $2,000 diamond ring. (The local business was a Laundromat.)
-2:30 p.m. – RP advised that about eight minutes ago someone driving a little red Pontiac with Nebraska plates came zooming through the parking lot in the 300 block of Main almost hitting a pedestrian. (Not five, not ten, but eight minutes ago.)
-2:37 p.m. – RP advised that someone stole his lawnmower from the 200 block of North Main within the last two days. (He knew this because the grass was two days tall.)
-9:42 p.m. – Arrested 24-year-old female on a Dawes County warrant in the 100 block of Ann Street. (Dawes County wants me, but I can’t go back there…)
June 18
-10:31 a.m. – RP advised there is a brown wooden trailer parked across the street from the courthouse with expired plates. (Let me guess; the RP is a retired person.)
June 19
-3:08 p.m. – RP stated there was a man sitting in front of her house in the 500 block of Chadron Avenue and she wanted him removed. (Must not be a community property state.)
June 20
-6:18 a.m. – RP stated that there is a person laying in the south ditch on Highway 20. (The North ditch must have been full.)
June 16
-8:12 a.m. – RP stated there were about 15-20 sheep loose in the 6000 block of East Highway 20. (Church just let out, so we’ll say it was a “flock.”)
-12:21 p.m. – RP stated she was hit by another vehicle at Main and Third. (Better than being hit by your own vehicle I guess.)
-8:01 p.m. – RP stated there were vehicles racing east on 10th Street. (You can only race on odd numbered streets in town.)
-10:46 p.m. – RP stated someone had broken into his home in the 100 block of Cedar Street and he needed officer assistance. (Who needed assistance…the guy that broke in?)
June 17
-2:36 a.m. – RP requested officers at the 100 block of King refer a subject kicking in a window and making threats. (One or the other is OK, but both…not that’s not nice.)
-10:00 a.m. – RP advised she stayed at a local business from June 5-8, 2010. RP stated she just noticed that she was missing a $2,000 diamond ring. (The local business was a Laundromat.)
-2:30 p.m. – RP advised that about eight minutes ago someone driving a little red Pontiac with Nebraska plates came zooming through the parking lot in the 300 block of Main almost hitting a pedestrian. (Not five, not ten, but eight minutes ago.)
-2:37 p.m. – RP advised that someone stole his lawnmower from the 200 block of North Main within the last two days. (He knew this because the grass was two days tall.)
-9:42 p.m. – Arrested 24-year-old female on a Dawes County warrant in the 100 block of Ann Street. (Dawes County wants me, but I can’t go back there…)
June 18
-10:31 a.m. – RP advised there is a brown wooden trailer parked across the street from the courthouse with expired plates. (Let me guess; the RP is a retired person.)
June 19
-3:08 p.m. – RP stated there was a man sitting in front of her house in the 500 block of Chadron Avenue and she wanted him removed. (Must not be a community property state.)
June 20
-6:18 a.m. – RP stated that there is a person laying in the south ditch on Highway 20. (The North ditch must have been full.)
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